Nothing But A Child

We are nearing the end of our personal annual marathon to watch favorite Christmas movies. I can’t remember a year when we didn’t watch three different versions of A Christmas Carol. (My favorite is the Muppets’ version.) The Polar Express, The Grinch, The Miracle on 34^th Street, and a dozen or more other favorites fill those glorious evenings when we come together in the comfort of family love. We know almost every line, but still when Alastair Sim says, “I must stand on my head!” I will smile and reach to touch Jeanette’s hand. Our latest movie night included The Christmas Miracle of Jonathan Toomey. I am familiar with this story because I have the enormous advantage of being married to a gifted teacher of little children who introduced me to this book when our kids were very young. This lovely, moving story reveals that sometimes the honesty and innocence of a child can inspire us to be better people. In his grief Jonathan Toomey comes to see his life as “pish posh” and it is only with the help of young Thomas that he once again finds purpose in his life. It isn’t easy nor does it happen quickly, but Jonathan comes to find hope in the world when a little boy leads the way. Almost all of the Christmas stories we watch – or tell, for that matter – remind us that the most important part of a satisfying life has to do with the way we treat other people. And maybe that’s why the Christmas story is so enduring. We want our children to have faith in the goodness of other people and treat them with respect and dignity. We want them to see and hear stories about kindness and generosity in a world that can sometimes be frightening. And we need them to remind us why any of this stuff matters. At the end of the movie version of The Christmas Miracle of Jonathan Toomey, Steve Earle sings, “Nothing but a child could wash away those miles, so once again we all can be children for a while.” If we can remember what it was like to see the world through innocent and inquisitive eyes, we will all make the world a better place.

Merry Christmas.

A poem:

For Maia

A little girl is singing for the faithful to come ye
Joyful and triumphant, a song she loves,
And also the partridge in a pear tree
And the golden rings and the turtle doves.
In the dark streets, red lights and green and blue
Where the faithful live, some joyful, some
troubled,
Enduring the cold and also the flu,
Taking the garbage out and keeping the
sidewalk shoveled.
Not much triumph going on here—and yet
There is much we do not understand.
And my hopes and fears are met
In this small singer holding onto my hand.
       Onward we go, faithfully, into the dark
       And are there angels hovering overhead?
Hark.              

                                    -----Gary Johnson

Heading for the Light

The last of the leaves are hanging drenched in the cold November rain falling outside my window. Nature is reminding us here in Wisconsin to prepare for more time inside. The days are still getting shorter, but the winter solstice is just around the corner and soon we will be moving into the light. I think that’s a perfect metaphor for what needs to happen in America as we move forward. It is clear we have much to do if we are to keep the “darker angels” of our national character at bay and to create public policies that genuinely solve our problems. We all need to advocate for solutions that honor the best vision of America and also help everyone. I have some ideas I want to share, but there is some baggage to unpack first.

This is the one and only time I will discuss Donald Trump and his personal character. I have always believed that politics should be more about issues than personalities. We all have said and done things that we regret and it is possible for good people to disagree about issues. But this election has been different and I find it necessary to make the record clear about my own feelings.

 I was raised on a farm in southern Wisconsin. We worked hard and went to church every Sunday. I attended public school and worked multiple jobs to earn my way through college. Every adult in my life – parents, teachers, neighbors, professors, ministers – all had the same message about being a good and decent person. Work hard. Be honest. Be thankful. Be humble. Be generous. Be kind. Help others. Don’t cheat. Do it right the first time. Don’t cut corners. Apologize when you are wrong. Take responsibility for your actions. These were the things a good person should try to do. By these standards, Donald Trump is not a “good and decent” man.  There is no need to go over again the list of contemptible things Trump has said and done. Donald Trump is a small, vain, weak little man who got a lot of money from his father and has used it to manipulate others. To praise Trump because he got $10 million from his dad then swindled and cheated to make lots of money is like praising Anthony Weiner because he was really good at taking pictures with his phone. (Because Trump does seem unusually insecure about the size of his penis, I’m surprised he hasn’t shared some of his own pictures as well.)

Most disappointing, however, is to hear the excuses and apologies being used to ignore or cover up the petty, shallow person Trump is.  As Lincoln said, “You can call a jackass a thoroughbred, but everyone knows he’s still a jackass.”  It is not surprising that Trump lost the popular election by more than 2 million votes to Hillary Clinton. Thankfully, the majority of voters in America reject what Donald Trump stands for. He will be President, but that won’t make him decent or honorable. For those of you who believe the President of the United States does not need to be decent or honorable, I will leave it to history to decide. I am reassured that the majority of voters still believe character matters.

You may think my assessment of Trump is rather harsh, but it is important to note that despite the fact that he lost the popular election by 2 million votes, he will serve as the President. In any other situation, Trump could be ignored as the sleazy, little bully he is. We would all laugh at his ignorance and dismiss his phony bravado just like many other you tube celebrities. But today, as white nationalists, the KKK, and other assorted nut jobs who supported Trump come crawling out from beneath the rocks, we must be more vigilant than ever. We must help Trump understand that getting “followers” on social media is not a substitute for understanding issues. We must help him understand that we Americans – at least the majority who voted – want America to stand for something big. We do not want our leaders to be selfish and petty. We do not want our leaders to be bullies and braggarts. We do not want leaders who try to make themselves look important by putting other people down. We want leaders who understand we can never be great if we are not good and decent first. The majority has spoken. We must make certain Trump listens.

Thankful

Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays because it makes me reflect on all those things that make life satisfying.  I mean, what more can you ask for? Turkey and ham and stuffing. Ponds of gravy and mashed potatoes. Bowl after bowl of delicious vegetables. (Corn with cream cheese and bacon!) Desserts to die for.  All in the company of family and friends under one roof.  Our family, like many others, also uses this day to remember those no longer with us. We connect with all those who have led us to this moment and we remember their guidance. This year I shared part of a letter I wrote to my oldest daughter in 1994 on her 18^th birthday. I wanted my grandchildren to know what my dad and mom had taught me about values. The letter said, “….but whatever happens, remember those things that make living worthwhile. Be kind. Be generous. Encourage those who need it. Educate the ignorant. Be faithful. Trust others. Be honest. Be humble. Be thankful. I know this sounds like a Hallmark card, but it is the truth. There is, or will be, nothing more important in your life. You will be judged, not by what you do or own, but by what you are. Be honorable and decent and you will never regret it.”  Of course I know we won't always live up to our goals, but I still believe these things. As the years pass, however, I think I would add “forgiveness” to my list.  A wise author once said – Richard Russo maybe? – “We don’t forgive people because they deserve it. We forgive because we deserve it.” Life can make it hard to be our best selves, but it also gives us vast opportunities to make the world better for our family and friends.

Happy Thanksgiving! 

A poem:

"Starfish"

This is what life does. It lets you walk up to
the store to buy breakfast and the paper, on a
stiff knee. It lets you choose the way you have
your eggs, your coffee. Then it sits a fisherman
down beside you at the counter who says, Last night,
the channel was full of starfish. And you wonder,
is this a message, finally, or just another day?

Life lets you take the dog for a walk down to the
pond, where whole generations of biological
processes are boiling beneath the mud. Reeds
speak to you of the natural world: they whisper,
they sing. And herons pass by. Are you old
enough to appreciate the moment? Too old?
There is movement beneath the water, but it
may be nothing. There may be nothing going on.

And then life suggests that you remember the
years you ran around, the years you developed
a shocking lifestyle, advocated careless abandon,
owned a chilly heart. Upon reflection, you are
genuinely surprised to find how quiet you have
become. And then life lets you go home to think
about all this. Which you do, for quite a long time.

Later, you wake up beside your old love, the one
who never had any conditions, the one who waited
you out. This is life’s way of letting you know that
you are lucky. (It won’t give you smart or brave,
so you’ll have to settle for lucky.) Because you
were born at a good time. Because you were able
to listen when people spoke to you. Because you
stopped when you should have and started again.

So life lets you have a sandwich, and pie for your
late night dessert. (Pie for the dog, as well.) And
then life sends you back to bed, to dreamland,
while outside, the starfish drift through the channel,
with smiles on their starry faces as they head
out to deep water, to the far and boundless sea.

                                                ---Eleanor Lerman

Our Daughters Are Watching

I have voted in every general election since 1972. I have had candidates win and candidates lose, but I have never regretted the decision I made at the time. Each election is a chance for Americans to select the candidates we believe will help create our vision of this country. This election is more important than any in my lifetime.

American politics has always been a rough and tumble affair. It has sometimes been very challenging in the past to create a “more perfect union.” But we have made our way forward. We used the words of our founding documents to help steer us to a place where our citizens can find satisfaction and security. In the past our candidates have made the case for their vision and we have decided among them. At its core, this election is no different. We must decide which candidate will lead us to the kind of country we want. Fortunately, Hillary Clinton is perhaps the most qualified candidate America has ever nominated.  And it isn’t just that the Republican candidate is so completely unqualified to be President and that his campaign has been so deceptive and degrading. Hillary Clinton has the credentials and character to be President of the United States.

I was raised to believe you must work hard to find success. Hillary Clinton earned her way into Wellesley College and got a law degree from Yale. While at Yale, Hillary Clinton did all the things we expect a dedicated, conscientious student to do. She was an excellent student and very active in the student government. Her work with organizations dealing with struggling families and children, migrant works, and indigent citizens is well documented. As a father, I can only imagine how proud Hillary Clinton’s father must have been when his daughter’s college commencement speech was reported in Time magazine!

You can read about her career in Arkansas and her work as First Lady. You can see the list of awards and recognition she received. You know she successfully served TWO terms as the first women Senator from New York and had the highest praise when she served as Secretary of State. As numerous government historians have suggested, Hillary Clinton is eminently qualified to be President. She has been endorsed by 229 newspapers. 229! Including the most prestigious papers in the land AND a number of newspapers who have NEVER endorsed a Democrat before. (The Republican candidate has received 9 newspaper endorsements.)  Dozens of former GOP National Security officials have condemned the Republican candidate as unqualified to be President and many are voting for Hillary Clinton. These are FACTS. The vast majority of people who have a clear understanding of Presidential qualifications say Hillary Clinton is more qualified. Still, what is most compelling to me is what her colleagues have said about her and her work. Jon Favreau, President Obama’s former speech writer, shares this story:

During the 2008 campaign, I wrote plenty of less-than-complimentary words about Hillary Clinton in my role as Barack Obama’s speechwriter. Then, a few weeks after the election, I had a well-documented run-in with a piece of cardboard that bore a striking resemblance to the incoming Secretary of State.

It was one of the stupider, more disrespectful mistakes I’ve made, and one that could have cost me a job if Hillary hadn’t accepted my apology, which she did with grace and humor. As a result, I had the chance to serve in the Obama administration with someone who was far different than the caricature I had helped perpetuate. The most famous woman in the world would walk through the White House with no entourage, casually chatting up junior staffers along the way. She was by far the most prepared, impressive person at every Cabinet meeting. She worked harder and logged more miles than anyone in the administration, including the president. And she’d spend large amounts of time and energy on things that offered no discernible benefit to her political future—saving elephants from ivory poachers, listening to the plight of female coffee farmers in Timor-Leste, defending LGBT rights in places like Uganda.

Most of all—and you hear this all the time from people who’ve worked for her—Hillary Clinton is uncommonly warm and thoughtful. She surprises with birthday cakes. She calls when a grandparent passes away. She once rearranged her entire campaign schedule so a staffer could attend her daughter’s preschool graduation. Her husband charms by talking to you; Hillary does it by listening to you—not in a head-nodding, politician way; in a real person way.

This same story has repeated itself throughout Clinton’s career: those who initially view her as distrustful and divisive from afar find her genuine and cooperative in person. It was the case with voters in New York, Republicans in the Senate, Obama people in the White House, and heads of state all over the world. There’s a reason being America’s chief diplomat was the specific job Obama asked Hillary to do—she has the perfect personality for it.

Your eyes are rolling. You don’t often see or read about this side of Hillary. You don’t doubt her fierce brilliance when she’s debating policy with Bernie Sanders. You don’t doubt her stamina or tenacity when she’s sitting through hour eleven of the Benghazi Kangaroo Court. But when it comes to nearly everything else, Clinton can seem a little too cautious and forced—like she’s trying too hard or not at all, preferring to retreat behind the safety of boilerplate rhetoric and cheesy sound bites. It’s a tendency that can’t just be blamed on her opponents or the media, though I wonder how many of us would be so brave and open in our public personas after being subjected to 25 years of unrelenting and downright nasty criticism of what we say, what we do, and how we look....

The long resume, the years of exceptional service, the endorsements, and the compliments of her colleagues makes her the best choice for President, but there is one final, historic reason to support Hillary Clinton. It is time that America catch up with most of the other developed nations in the world and elect a woman to be President. As the father of FOUR daughters, I know the election of a woman as President will affect the dreams of millions of little girls across America. Another glass ceiling will be shatter and we should acknowledge the importance of such an historic event. Hillary Clinton is to be admired for raising a successful and accomplished daughter and for weathering the ups and downs of a long marriage. She should also be admired for forging a path that will make it easier for those to come.

It is clear that Hillary Clinton is the best candidate to be President. I hope you will join me and vote for her. America has always been a beacon of hope for the world and there is no doubt they will be watching us on Tuesday.

Starting Again

To my teacher friends on the start of another school year,

The dew on the grass is thick and heavy on this brilliant morning. I am out inspecting the tree branches that have littered the yard since the last heavy rain. The earth has done her best again. The grass is rich and green. The flowers are bright and beaming. The apples and tomatoes are drooping on the vine and the birds send their songs echoing through the trees. It is a moment of grace. All the clichés about not paying attention are swept away by thoughts of other Augusts when my brother and I would eat green apples and ripe tomatoes right off the vine. Thump growing watermelons in anticipation of our secret feasts. Augusts when our own children would delight in the treasures of the fading summer. I am grateful for this lovely morning and I hope you have had a few “Aha” moments this summer, too.  Let me thank you an advance for your hard work and offer a few words of encouragement.

You need to know right away we Americans believe it is important for our children to be educated; however, we have NEVER agreed about HOW to educate them. Some of those who help create our country recognized that learning new stuff and thinking about how that stuff fits into our lives is generally a good thing. Since then there has been a continual argument about WHO is to learn WHAT WHEN and HOW they are to learn it. (I am not an educational historian, so I will leave it to others to explain the history in detail. See The American School 1642-2000 by Joel Spring). My point is you will never satisfy everyone as you work in your classroom. You can only do your best to satisfy your own expectations and those of your students. And even that can be very tricky. We live in an age where lots of people – even those with scant experience in the classroom – feel compelled to tell teachers how to teach. Some even suggest we don’t really need live teachers. A good script and a recording and presto! All is well. You know better. You have been in the presence of children when their world has changed because of something you help them learn. Your challenge is to recreate those moments as often as you can. You already know what your students need to learn in your discipline. You know how to help them create high expectations. You KNOW how to run a classroom.

But here is where I would ask you to remember that stunning August morning.

As you help your students learn new skills and information, remember your students are watching you. Show them how you keep your balance in a world that can be confusing and scary. Show them how to be thoughtful, patient, kind and caring. I know it sounds trite, but do it anyway. Let them see you laugh with delight and be surprised by the world. Show them how you manage when your heart is broken and, above all, show them how our lives are lifted by our hopes and dreams. If you do, your classroom can become a place where the standards of the mind and the standards of the heart come together. We want our children to know a lot of stuff, but we also want them to live enlightened lives. As this new year begins, I wish you small classes, thoughtful students, wise administrators, and helpful parents. And keep your chin up. It helps you see the unlimited sky. Your kids are watching.

A poem:

Ode to Teachers

I remember

the first day;

how I looked down,

hoping you wouldn't see

me,

and when I glanced up,

I saw your smile

shining like a soft light

from deep inside you.

"I'm listening." you encouraged us.

"Come on!

Join our conversation,

let us hear your neon certainties,

thorny doubts, tangled angers, "

but for weeks I hid inside.

I read and reread your notes

praising 

my writing,

and you whispered,

"We need you

and your stories,

and questions

that like a fresh path

will takes us to new vistas."

Slowly, your faith grew

into my courage

and for you--

instead of handing you

a note or apple or flowers,

I raised my hand.

I carry your smile

and faith inside like I carry

my dog's face,

my sister's laugh,

creamy melodies,

the softness of sunrise,

steading blessings of stars,

autumn smell of gingerbread,

the security of a sweater on a chilly day.

                               - Pat Mora

Noble Work

When I was a kid, my dad was very involved in the workings of our small township. Although he never ran for any elected position, he was often asked to work on various Vernon Township committees.  He and my mom seldom missed a town meeting and Dad was never shy about discussing things that needed to be done. He also felt a strong obligation to be part of the election process by understanding issues and supporting candidates. My Dad grew up during a time when the United States made some very important progress toward creating a more equitable society. When my grandfather Dederick – who was born in Norway – had trouble on the farm during the Depression with his wife and 10 children, the oldest son, my Dad, became a migrant potato picker to help delay the inevitable.  And when President Roosevelt created the CCC camps, my father went to work in the Superior National Forest so he could send money back to help his family. He was proud of his time in the Civilian Conservation Corp and grateful to those who helped create it. He was also a strong advocate for worker rights and was grateful again when federal law established the 8 hour/day - 40 hour/week for workers. Don’t misunderstand. My father never worked an 8 hour day in his life, especially when he purchased the farm I was raised on. He was just happy that he and the guys he worked with had been given the right to form a labor union so they would be safe and fairly paid. (He was a strong supporter of the National Farmers Organization for the same reason.) My Dad’s experience told him that the American idea of “we the people” could help make things better for average citizens. That’s why he was so dedicated to selecting the best people for elected positions. He felt there was something noble and patriotic about seeking public office to improve our society. If Pa were alive today, he would be astonished.

With events of the last few days, I once again find it necessary to reassure my own children and many other young people I know that the struggle to make our society just and equal requires a deep commitment to the ideals of our democracy and a willingness to view the work of those in public service as noble and honorable. Over the past 30 years or so, there has been a propaganda campaign to paint all government and all public employees as corrupt and/or inefficient. (The military is the exception.) We were told that if we could just replace all those lazy public employees with private sector businesses all would be well. We even watched as our military tried to “job out” fighting a war to private contractors. Remember Blackwater Security? What has been clear from this assault on public service is the realization that private business with its obsessive focus on increasing profits cannot provide the most essential services our democracy requires. Increasing profits will not make us better or safer or more educated. “It measures neither our wit nor our courage; neither our wisdom nor our learning. It measures everything, in short, except that which makes life worth living.”  How else do you explain a drug tycoon raising the price of a long used prescription medicine by 700% or a gun company insisting that more guns will make us safer?  We live in a confusing time, but we cannot lose hope.

America has been in spots like this before. Whenever our country has been asked to live up to its ideals, we have depended on the common sense and hard work of those individuals who help us see a better society. Often those individuals included public servants who used their positions to lead us to a better place. WE NEED TO BECOME THOSE LEADERS NOW! We need to advocate for an America that lives up to its ideals and provides a place where all of us can live in peace and security. We need to acknowledge that our government is NOT the enemy and applaud those who would choose to run for office or take public service jobs. We should insist that those individuals recognize the essential role our government plays in meeting America’s ideals. Too often we see politicians who view government service as merely a way to promote themselves. We can do better. We can BE better. Let us make a commitment – do you hear me Maggie – a commitment to do the hard work to make our country better. I know it will be frustrating. I know there will be set backs. I also know it is our only hope. I think Robert Kennedy said it best, “Each time a man (woman) stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he (she) sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring those ripples build a current which can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance.” Do not let those who promote isolation and division win the day. Let’s be part of the movement to be better.

Fountain of Wisdom

           I have a t-shirt in my closet that reads, “We have enough youth.  How about a fountain of smart?” The implication, of course, is that being young somehow excludes being smart. (I will confess I also had this as a poster in my classroom where I taught high school English. Lots of kids didn’t get it.) As I reflect on it now, I suspect I was inadvertently falling into the old vs young culture wars that have droned on since the sixties. I remember playing Bob Dylan anti-war songs in a Madison bar in the early ‘70s and arguing with some blue collar workers in the audience about “peace and love, man”. Needless to say, we never played there again. We Baby Boomers set a trap for ourselves by making youth the defining ingredient of the good life. True, we also included drugs, sex, and rock and roll, but it was easier to recover from those things when I was younger. Go to a Springsteen concert and watch the crowd try to “get down and boogie”. Wow. Don’t get me wrong. Springsteen’s music is great, but the “boogie” part is harder. Why do we have to pretend we are something other than what we are? Here are some random thoughts about being old in 2016.

            If your face is wrinkled, it’s ok. The sun and wind and tanning beds do that to skin. Just remember there is a Face Lifts Gone Wrong website. I know. I saw it. Wow.

            If you’re bald, it’s ok. You don’t need a wig or a hair transplant. Also remember, shaving your head will not help you be like Yul Brynner. Don’t know Yul? Look him up.

            If you like beer or coffee that isn’t “hand crafted”, it’s ok. Charging 3 dollars for a cup of coffee or 6 dollars for a glass of beer doesn’t make them taste better.

            If the music is too loud, it’s ok to go somewhere else. Some people like to shout over the music and wake up hoarse. Some of us actually enjoy talking to our friends.

            If you find yourself wishing you had traveled more or found a different job, don’t feel alone. EVERYBODY wants do overs. Even those who were good at carpe diem wonder how things might have been different. One of the burdens we humans must bear is the knowledge that we can’t completely appreciate the experience of living. And it does little good to lecture the young about it. Remember how you blew off all that advice from those “old foggies” when you were a kid? Get used to second guessing yourself.

            If you find yourself growing weary of the same old movie plot lines, try to be patient. The urge to create heroic endings for our lives is strong, but it doesn’t have to be phony. Find those films that are trying to reveal what really matters in our lives. Most cancer victims do not see themselves as heroes nor do most soldiers. Eugene O’Neill suggested that what makes us noble is our willingness to carry on despite the certainty of our ending.

            Ultimately, we all need to keep our sense of humor. If a young man believes a tattoo across his face is important, who am I to contradict him? Who am I to say, “WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?” I’ll just smile and wish him well. If a young lady wants to dye her hair bright green, I will keep my sense of humor and laugh next to her, not at her. See? And when others try to suggest I have a few weird hobbies, too, I will tell them – good naturedly -  they don’t know what the hell they are talking about. Come to think of it, I know a lot of old people who do really stupid things, too.

           Never mind. Maybe that t-shirt should read – “We have enough stupidity. How about a fountain of wisdom?”

Tevye and Me

Sunday night was the highlight of the week in the Danielson house when I was a kid. We got our chores done early and we would gather around our old black and white TV to watch The Wonderful World of Disney and Bonanza. Disney was ok, but the show I really wanted to see was Bonanza.   Here were the men we all wanted to grow up to be. They were humble, honest, courageous, daring, smart, successful and handsome. And although the brothers fought each other now and again, they actually seemed to like one another. Above it all stood Ben Cartwright, the firm, caring, driven, loving father of the whole brood. He was always fair and always supportive. He knew what was right and what was wrong and he helped his children meet the challenges they faced. He demanded respect, not because he had power, but because he was successful and humble. His boys were never afraid to approach “Pa” when they had a problem. I envied the Cartwright boys.  They got to ride horses around and their dad always seemed to know just how to make everything right. (They never had to feed or shovel the manure of the horses either!) Bonanza made being a father – even a single father – seem pretty straight forward. A few stern looks, some wise advice, and - presto - all was good. Even the occasional gunfight seemed necessary to build strong children. My Dad must not have watched as carefully as I did. Needless to say, I came to learn a bit more about being a father when I actually became one. And now, having accepted the challenge of playing one of the iconic fathers of the musical stage, I’ve discovered some new insights about fatherhood, acting, and growing up.

Tevye, for those who haven’t seen Fiddler on the Roof, is the Jewish milkman living in eastern Russia around the turn of the 20^th century. He is the father of five daughters in an arranged marriage with Golde, his wife. In his small, fictitious village of Anatevka, Tevye struggles to make sense of the changing world around him.  I recognize that I am different from Tevye in fundamental ways, but I am surprised at how much we are alike.  

Tevye is a sarcastic optimist who exasperates his wife with his frequent kidding around. This modern adaptation of Tevye makes him a member of the “age of irony” long before it came into fashion. It would be hard for me to remember how many times I have been told by my parents, my teachers, and sometimes even my friends to, “Stop fooling around!”.  As the youngest in my family, I was the peacemaker and humor was the easiest way to avoid conflict. Tevye uses the same approach to deal with those around him. When Golde throws up her hands and says, “You could die from such a man!” I know what Tevye feels.

Tevye is also learning from his children. As a product of a more restrictive age, his faith and his culture have created very rigid rules for men and women in his community. It is clear that he is deeply rooted in the traditions of his culture, but it’s also clear that he is puzzled by the purpose of some traditions. He seems almost oblivious to the privileges he has as a man until he sees that those privileges are not given to his daughters, especially in choosing a partner. I can identify with that. I grew up in a farm family in rural Wisconsin where the division of labor between men and women – at least in theory – was clear. As I grew up in the 1960’s, especially when I went off to college, my awareness about how men and women follow their ambitions was raised. But it was not until I became the father of daughters that I REALLY paid attention to the blatant and subtle ways my girls were discouraged from following their dreams. This also applied during my career as a teacher. Seeing my students confront heart breaking problems taught me lessons about grace and courage I can never forget. For Tevye, his children help him see how traditions can sometimes hurt the ones you love, especially when they ignore the needs of each individual. It causes him to think about his own life.

Tevye wants to understand why his life is what it is. It isn’t that he wants it to be different necessarily, he just needs to know what the plan is. He believes the path to this understanding is learning and knowledge. He wishes to “discuss the holy books with learned men” and he will barter to give his daughters a private tutor. (Perchik, the radical from the city, embodies much of what Tevye admires.) I appreciate Tevye’s intuition. I also believe that education is the path to enlightenment. Our lives are richer and more fulfilling when we read and talk and come to know how the world works. Tevye never gets the chance to study with scholars, but his pursuit leads him to a profound understanding.

In the movie Beautiful Mind, the character John Nash, the Nobel physicist says, “It is only in the mysterious equations of love that any logic or reasons can be found.”  I believe Tevye comes to discover this truth about his life with Golde as he confronts the needs and desires of his children. He has been told his whole life what his duty is, but he discovers that the most important experience in his life is his love for Golde. When he asks Golde the most powerful question anyone can ask, “Do you love me?” and she responds, “I suppose I do”, they both act like it’s no big deal, but we all know it is. It has taken me a long time to realize that what I do and what I have is insignificant to those I love. And just like Tevye, I have come to know that the notion of “love” we grow up with is often far from the reality we experience. I thank the “mysterious equations” of the universe that Tevye and I know what it means to love someone heart and soul.

Tevye is also a man of deep religious faith.  He believes his people are the “chosen people”, although he often is confused by what that means. He believes his God has a plan for him, but he can’t understand sometimes why the plan has to be so difficult. I can only pretend to believe as Tevye believes. Although I was baptized Catholic, confirmed Lutheran, attended Episcopal, Congregational, and Methodist churches, I have not found a religious organization that makes sense to me. I do identify with Tevye’s sense of decency and compassion, but while I recognize his anguish over his decision to reject his daughter, I find it difficult to accept. I think Tevye eventually does, too. He can’t abandoned his faith, but he knows his daughter does not deserve to be rejected. He does what many of us do; he follows his conscience and hopes his compassionate God will understand. How can you not love Tevye?

Ultimately, Tevye finds grace by accepting his own circumstances and by knowing he is loved. Perhaps that is all any of us can expect. I learned soon enough that there are no Ben Cartwrights, at least none that I ever met. I learned soon enough the dreams I had as a kid changed as I grew older. Most important, I learn there is no way to avoid heartbreak and disappointment. Yet, with the love of family and friends, it is possible to face the darkness with a candle and a smile. “Of course, we don’t eat like kings, but we don’t starve either!” Maybe that’s enough for Tevye and me.